A couple of months ago I was asked to address the question, “What do you say to someone whose child died from cancer and they want to blame God? Their sadness and their anger with God just seem to rule their life!” While I attempted to provide some counsel and direction regarding the immeasurable pain of this particular loss, the same principles would similarly apply to the entire sad spectrum of tragedies, hardships, and griefs that afflict human hearts.
Long before we concern ourselves with “what to say” to grief-stricken souls who are wrestling with anger toward God, we first need to focus on “what to do” for such a person, i.e., how we should respond to them, treat them, and minister to them. Our “presence” and our actions of kindness and compassion should always precede our words, and completely substitute for them if necessary. Show compassion, extend kindness, demonstrate humility, deal with them gently, and be patient with them (Colossians 3:12).
The emotions of those who have suffered soul-jarring and faith-shaking losses are very real and extremely raw. What they feel is what they feel. Their pain is deep. Their grief is intense. To attempt to get them to deny their emotions, to suppress their feelings, or to feel guilty about their anger will be completely unhelpful and counterproductive and will almost certainly ensure that you will not be welcomed to walk beside them throughout their long journey of grief.
While I will conclude with a few suggestions as to what words might be offered to accompany our deeds of compassion, let me first identify a few specific things not to say.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
No it doesn’t. Not even close. This is one of those statements that is almost in the Bible. Though it may sound like an affirmation of unqualified faith in a sovereign God, in actuality it slanderously accuses God of cruelty and injustice and impugns His divine will. Romans 8:28 is frequently used as a proof text for this unbiblical notion, but that passage doesn’t teach that all earthly outcomes are somehow the result of a micro-managing, manipulative Deity. Read the passage carefully. “Everything happens for a reason” is a quotation from Marilyn Monroe, not the Messiah. Since I have written about this statement previously, I won’t further belabor the point here. See “Everything Happens for a Reason, Right?” for a lengthier discussion and explanation.
“God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
Again, close, but no canon! Almost in the Bible, but not! What about I Corinthians 10:13? What about it? The specific subject of that verse is temptation (enticement to do evil), and it affirms that God will always provide a way of escape for us; that is, no spiritual lose-lose scenarios where our only recourse is to sin; there will be a way out of temptation, if we choose to take it. But, that is theological light years away from saying, “God will never give you more than you can handle,” in regard to anything and everything in this life. Such a statement suggests that God’s divine hand is on a celestial spigot of suffering, determining and divvying out tragedies and heartaches based on His assessment of our ability to “handle it.” It is not only wrong and hurtful, but insulting, to suggest to someone that their immense suffering is somehow a divine “compliment.”
“God is in control.”
Ultimately, yes; God reigns supreme and unrivaled over the whole of His creation. But a cosmic control freak who expressly and explicitly manipulates and maneuvers the actions and outcomes in the lives of 7.1 billion people? No, no, a thousand times, no!!! Offered as a response to a tragic loss, “God is in control,” comes across as yet another hollow platitude, and, worse, one that wrongfully lays the blame for our suffering squarely at the foot of God’s throne of grace.
“God has a plan.”
Yes, He indeed does, but the death of their child was not a part of it.
“One day you’ll understand why; one day you’ll know the reason.”
No, they won’t.
If this is a person who you know and love, tell them how much they mean to you and how much your heart aches with them and for them. Tell them how much you loved their child, and how much you miss them. Tell them, “I can’t imagine the pain, the hurt, the sense of loss, and the anger that you are feeling.” Unless, of course, you can! But, even if you haven’t walked that particular road of pain yourself, you can connect them with others who have, who can help minister to them and who know precisely what they are experiencing.
Grief is a journey and a process, not an event. Patiently love them and consistently demonstrate the Spirit of Jesus Christ. When the time is right, assure them that God loves them, too. Remind them that they can speak openly and honestly to God about what they are feeling.
Hopefully, in time, they will come to see how God can bring light even out of the darkest of nights, and out of our brokenness He can bring blessing. He is not the Cause, but rather the Redeemer of our suffering.
Ultimately, however, it is not our job to convince them of these things; that will be their choice. Our responsibility is to simply love them and minister to them.
Thinking Out Loud 
48 comments
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October 18, 2013 at 6:53 am
Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective
“Our responsibility is to simply love them…” Absolutely! As one who lost a child and the majority of our “Christian friends” simply disappeared after the first couple of weeks, I would agree. It’s easy to fall back on Christian-ese platitudes or to step back and wait until God heals a bereaved parent’s broken heart, thinking there is nothing you can do (or communicate that because a parent grieves for an extended amount of time that he or she is not allowing God to heal him or her). The consistent “being there” and caring means so much more than any words you may say to try to make a difference. I remember thinking that I just wanted someone to apply a balm of kindness to my life. I didn’t need someone to tell me how to feel, what to do or not do, or anything else. We just needed people to be kind and consistent…and to be there. And they weren’t. Sometimes the way Christians respond (or don’t respond) adds wounds on top of the already incredibly deep wounds. Friends who disappear compound an already great loss. It happens all the time.
October 18, 2013 at 8:17 am
Tim Pyles
Rebecca, thank you so very much for sharing your heart and the pain that you have endured in losing a precious child. Your insights are personal, poignant, and extremely enlightening to those of us who haven’t experienced this particular pain. I am so very sorry for your loss, and that of your family, and sadder still that your grief was compounded by those whose presence around you evaporated when they sought to impose on you what they determined to be “a reasonable time frame” for your sorrow. Thank you for reminding us what the greatest needs are for those in the grips of such grief, and, again, I’m truly sorry that you had to bear so much of that burden alone. I pray that the burdens of others may be made more bearable because of what you have shared and challenged us with in your comments. And I do pray (not as a platitude), that our God of comfort will provide help and healing for your broken heart, and that He will utilize compassionate human hands and arms in doing so.
October 18, 2013 at 8:16 am
Drue Wright
Another thing of “what not to say” is, “I know how you feel.” Even if you have had a similar experience we never know exactly how someone feels.
When those of us go to comfort others we should keep in mind that people who are going through pain and struggles often react differently from others going through much the same thing. We have been welcomed with open arms by everyone we have gone to but one person let it be known quickly that she wanted no part of us. Thankfully it was only one as that hurt beyond anything I had experienced up until that point for the loss was in the family and very close to our hearts.
October 18, 2013 at 11:32 am
Tim Pyles
You continue to share words of wisdom, Drue! Thanks for the needful reminder that no two losses are identical and that grief, though it often bears similarities and common facets among most people who mourn, is not some precise “science” and is as individualized as those who experience it!
October 18, 2013 at 9:31 am
Adam Faughn
Tim, this is a great post all the way through, but I especially appreciate you including the discussion on 1 Corinthians 10:13. I have been hammering that home in one of my Bible classes lately, and people seem to really appreciate it. It seems that lots of people (mis)use that verse!
Great work, as always.
October 18, 2013 at 11:37 am
Tim Pyles
Thanks for the comment and the encouragement, Adam! I’m grateful that it connected with your recent study and teaching regarding I Corinthians 10:13; it is so very easy to take a clear, simple truth of Scripture and stretch and extrapolate it into something that the Spirit never intended for it to say or mean. God bless you, your family, and your ministry, brother!
October 18, 2013 at 10:47 am
Lynn Pepper
Tim, this is such a great post!! I love what Drue said. I had a friend who lost a child and I asked another friend, who had lost a child, to reach out to them. I made the comment, “you know what they are feeling.” His reply was, “I lost my son, but I didn’t lose her child…I have no idea how she feels.” This response was spoken and accepted with love and I learned a very valuable lesson. We don’t know how someone else feels, EVER!! This very morning I have learned that my nephew, who is incarcerated for selling drugs, has lost his newborn daughter. I know Fred’s sister and her son are in incredible pain that I do NOT understand. What I do know is how to love, and that’s how we become the hands and feet of Jesus.
Thanks again for your post. Would love to see you and those western skies!!!
October 18, 2013 at 11:46 am
Tim Pyles
“I lost my son, but I didn’t lose her child…I have no idea how she feels.” Wow!!! That is so powerful, Lynn, and so insightful. Thank you for sharing what your friend shared with you. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your newborn great-niece. Like you, I can’t begin to fathom the exact sense of pain and loss that Fred’s nephew and sister are feeling, but I will join you in lifting them up to the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, and I will thank Him that they have people like you and Fred to love them and minister to them in their grief. So good to hear from you, Lynn; such great memories of you and Fred and days gone by at ACC. Blessings, always!
November 5, 2013 at 11:00 am
Karen Scism
These are all true Tim. When I was going through my cancer, sometimes it was just better not to say anything at all. People want to share their stories which sometimes included death of a loved one but this is not what you want to hear when you are going through cancer–give them hope and peace. It is already difficult enough to stay positive so please do not share your death experiences with those who are going through it. A simple hug or smile is always welcomed and ask that person, “how can I pray for you today?” That was the best medicine for me. With that said, excellent Tim.
November 5, 2013 at 9:22 pm
Tim Pyles
A hug, a smile, a listening ear, and asking them about specific needs; great thoughts, Karen! And thanks for sharing these from your perspective of having endured a battle with cancer! Blessings to you, Tom, and the kids!
November 5, 2013 at 2:43 pm
Virginia Galloway
Long ago my choir sang for the funeral of a former classmate who had died of leukemia. The presiding priest, who was and remains one of my dearest friends, said, AS PART OF HIS HOMILY, “It is not God’s will that a 26-year-old husband and father should die of this terrible disease!” I have pondered those words through the decades that have passed, and I find them an excellent refutation to the ““Everything happens for a reason” platitude. Things happen because there is a randomness to life, not because God is manipulating every single thing in anyone’s life.
November 5, 2013 at 9:30 pm
Tim Pyles
Thanks, Virginia! Those were truly words of wisdom that were spoken at your classmate’s funeral. Thanks for sharing them. I’m grateful that they have stayed with you over the years and have provided direction for you as you have encountered the randomness of tragedies and heartaches in this life.
November 5, 2013 at 2:53 pm
Michelle
I lost my son five and a half months ago and this article resonates so much with me. I’m stuck on the “God has a plan. Yes, He indeed does, but the death of their child was not a part of it.”
One of the things I grapple with on a daily basis is the plan…I’ve used that line to try to comfort myself but it never felt right. Why would God’s plan for me include something so devastating that I’ll never recover? I don’t believe God wants me to have this hole in my heart. There’s no reason for that.
It’s so hard because I will never understand why this happened to us. It’s just one of those things that is devastating with no silver lining.
Thank you for this.
November 5, 2013 at 5:11 pm
Jessica
I am so sorry for your loss.
November 5, 2013 at 9:40 pm
Tim Pyles
Michelle, like Jessica I want to say that I am so sorry to learn about the recent loss of your son. I can sense just from your comments how deeply this has broken your heart. I think you are wise to resist the temptation to somehow try and fit this tragic loss into some “grand design” of God. I’m thankful that you found some things to hang on to in the blog post. Praying for peace, comfort, and strength for you and your family!
November 5, 2013 at 2:59 pm
Ted Garvin
I would say let the couple blame God. He makes a convenient outlet and is big enough not to mind. Anger is a legitimate part of the grieving process. Note that it is a process and takes as long as it takes.
What to say? Nothing. Hug them and let them vent.
November 5, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Tim Pyles
Good thoughts, Ted! Thank you!
November 5, 2013 at 3:04 pm
Debbie
Thank you for this. You are spot on. Nearly 5 years ago, my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. We had been married nearly 30 years and it was like half of me had been ripped away! And truly there was nothing anyone could say that would make it better. I was mad at God, because I had to be mad at someone! That’s part of the grief process. So many people judged my actions, telling me that I was either too happy, too sad, acting too young, and how it seemed like I wasn’t grieving – when they had no idea how I was grieving in private–because the grief process was my own private journey and I wasn’t about to share that journey with someone who can neither understand nor who judges my actions. The best thing you can do is lend your support, your ear, and walk alongside them as much as you possible can.
November 5, 2013 at 9:49 pm
Tim Pyles
Debbie, thank you for sharing these insights from your own journey of grief that followed your husband’s sudden death. I’m sorry that the journey was made even more difficult by those who felt compelled to determine and try to dictate how you should grieve rather than simply loving you and supporting you in your loss. Your thoughts further open our hearts and eyes to the greatest needs of the grieving!
November 7, 2013 at 7:20 am
Kathy Parker
Several years ago, a friend died suddenly. At his funeral as we inched along in that awful line, I was wondering what to say. I knew them both very well, and I was searching for something of comfort… as I got closer to the casket I could hear the “I’m so sorry’s”… so true, but so continual… eventually I reached Ellen and as we held each other very tightly, I just blurted out, “well, this sucks”… she stopped looked at me and started to laugh… “yes, she said, it sure does”… we spent the evening later, over several glasses of wine… I just provided an ear… but it was just the reality of the moment that surfaced… and the love that we all shared.
November 7, 2013 at 8:54 am
Tim Pyles
Kathy, I’m so grateful that you were there for your friend in the loss of her husband; just holding her tightly was the best extension of love and comfort that you could have offered; your comment to her pretty much nailed it; there was no purpose or reason why that painful loss happened; it just did, and it hurts and it’s hard. Thanks for commenting.
November 5, 2013 at 3:54 pm
Susan
“God won’t give you more than you can handle” is based on the assumption that God gave you the hurts you are experiencing. When my son was experiencing debilitating anxiety and panic, I was comforted by friends who would just listen. I was very angry at God for letting my son go through this. Thankfully, my friends didn’t try to talk me out of my anger. Dealing with mental illness can be is isolating and I’m grateful that I had friends who didn’t judge me or my family.
November 5, 2013 at 9:54 pm
Tim Pyles
Susan, although I’m sorry to hear about your son’s struggles with these mental health issues, I’m grateful that you have had a support system of understanding, compassionate, and supportive friends. I know that it must have made an extremely difficult situation easier to endure. Thanks for reminding us!
November 5, 2013 at 6:14 pm
Theresa Jackson
Our oldest son was killed three years ago. Your article is spot on. Patience, gentleness, compassion is what we so greatly need. Parental grief is so intense and we are so vulnerable. Thank you for such a great post.
November 5, 2013 at 9:59 pm
Tim Pyles
Theresa, I’m so sorry that you have had to walk that road of the death of your child. I know that it must have been a devastating loss to everyone in your family, but especially for you as a mother. Thank you for confirming the need for patience, gentleness, and compassion. Grace and peace!
November 5, 2013 at 7:02 pm
Jill Jae
Could be said for all types of grief. Very perceptive observations, I’ve written some myself on this topic and Admin a grief group..these are all very important issue that you touch upon.
Another one that I’ve actually blogged about is the “we don’t grieve like those w/out hope” which is often used against Christian grievers..they are told..that because of our faith, we don’t have to go thru normal grief, which of course is garbage…we grieve as believers and as non-believers exactly the same from my observations. Anyhoo…great job! Sharing!
November 5, 2013 at 10:07 pm
Tim Pyles
Jill, thanks so much for these insights and for what you are doing to help journey with those who are grieving. I look forward to reading more from your blog. Excellent insight on the I Thess. 4 passage; I hadn’t considered how that could be used as a club to try to deny, rob, guilt, or shame believers out of the realities of human grief that affect us all; faith gives us hope beyond the loss, but it doesn’t remove its pain.
November 5, 2013 at 10:41 pm
Jill Jae
I’ve actually known people who have been told that verse and basically followed up by a “suck it up” type of message and mentality. It really is dysfunctional when misused..as is a lot of scripture unfortunately. Bless you, Tim!
November 5, 2013 at 9:00 pm
SilverStarling
Great post!
I’d add to this–“God just wanted another angel in heaven!” And: “It’s part of God’s test of your faith.”
I have worked in medicine, including in pediatrics, and have seen the worst tragedies play out right in front of my eyes. And I’ve heard these things said to parents (and others) who have suffered unexpected and terrible loss. And I’ve seen the hurt in their eyes, their confusion, and their terror that God could be so capricious and calculating as to will something so cruel for such relatively flimsy reasons.
No one is spared from suffering and death, no matter how faithful, how prayerful, how steadfast. I wish this is something I could teach every visitor to every hospital bedside: it’s not your fault, it’s not due to your lack of faith, that these things have happened! Tragedy can strike anyone, anywhere, any time!
Even though I have never had to feel firsthand what it’s like to lose a child, I’ve seen enough to know that it must be the worst pain that anyone can endure. I think parents in such a situation have a right to be angry with God; anger is part of a faith process, and losing a child goes against everything natural and expected. Loss is always difficult, but add to it confusion and doubt when it goes against the natural order of how things are “supposed” to work, and it’s inevitable that there will be doubts and questions that deserve serious consideration. Letting the process lead to answers, I think, is part of a healthy recovery from such events.
November 5, 2013 at 10:12 pm
Tim Pyles
Wow! Incredible insights. I wish i could have just included them in my original post! Thank you for sharing them, and also for what you do in not only ministering to your patients’ physical needs, but also to the needs of their hearts and minds, and those of their family members.
November 5, 2013 at 9:14 pm
Marcia
That is a great article. I have had to dee grieving mothers and I felt helpless.I wish I had a magic wand to take their pain away. But I dont so.I simply was patient and silent when they had episodes of.anger, depression, and PTSD. I was even very protective when outsiders would say those cliche statements, I told a few people to simply.shut.up! I was just trying to shield the grieving mothers from more suffering.
November 5, 2013 at 10:15 pm
Tim Pyles
Marcia, thank you for helping to shield the suffering from needless additional burdens and for offering them your patience and compassion!
November 5, 2013 at 9:58 pm
Robert Albro
Tim, you are on a good start of what not to say, you may also add never say “the child is in a better place”, or “the child is in paradise”, as if the statement Jesus made on the cross to the common criminal being killed next to him applies to the child. This statement is insulting to the family that lost the child. The family is not paradise, or was not paradise for the child, is a direct stab at the child lost and the family as a whole.
Please don’t ever tell a bereaved parent “I can’t imagine the pain, the hurt, the sense of loss, and the anger that you are feeling.” Those are unintended code words for “I’m glad it’s not me” or “Thank you God it’s not my child lying in that casket”. Those who have lost a child don’t say that to anyone who has lost a loved one. If you feel you need to minister to the bereaved parent, understand it’s a 2 year commitment or you will be thought of a missing person, absent friend, or someone who is afraid it may rub off on their children. I agree to point the parents to others who are on a like journey, my suggestion is to go with them to a Compassionate friends meeting when they are ready, but understand those who haven’t lost a child only get to drop them off and wait outside. Grief is journey but not a process, Grief is a new relationship that never ends it’s the tearing apart of the family and the task of re-building it from the ground up., everything changes, everything.
Patiently love them and consistently demonstrate the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Yes please be careful with the spirit of Jesus; for this is the same spirit that rose Lazarus from the dead. Didn’t Jesus even think of what he was putting Lazarus’s parents through? Did Lazarus die again before his parents? Some spirit, just please be careful, bereaved parents are very sensitive about death and its finality.
“When the time is right, assure them that God loves them, too” This is a mine field your walking through, expect many explosions, and the ramifications can be quite painful to you and the parents. A great preparation is “When Bad things happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner (I don’t know if you have read this book or not but it is insightful about the loss of a child. “Remind them that they can speak openly and honestly to God about what they are feeling”. You are going to get an earful that will test your faith and shake it to its foundation and you will have to have the courage to face it and take it. God can not hurt these parents anymore than they have been hurt already, what’s God going to do?, let them die and be with their child, that’s what these parents dream of. When you try to answer for God you will get smacked by death itself, the child will reach out from the grave and hand your faith to you on a platter through the parents. Just be ready for it, you have to have the patience of Job for this type of ministry.
“Hopefully, in time, they will come to see how God can bring light even out of the darkest of nights, and out of our brokenness He can bring blessing. He is not the Cause, but rather the Redeemer of our suffering”. I’m sorry but this is an excuse, plain and simple, it’s like saying it’s patriotic to die for your country, in the end it’s a cop out. It lets God off the hook for the child’s death. The almighty couldn’t stop a child from getting sick, running out in the street, ect ect ect then God isn’t much of a God to begin with if God has to have such a easy out. The answer you are looking for is in the book of Genesis’, we the children of God wanted knowledge, of sin so we learned about death that is the sin, no other animal in the kingdom, that Adam and Eve named has knowledge that they will die, that their children will die. Hopefully in time those who have not lost a child can understand there are different ways to God and the path we take will lead us their
Ultimately, however, it is not our job to convince them of these things, and you will not convince them; that will be their choice. Our responsibility is to simply love them and minister (more like listen and learn from them.
A little about me, I’m a mechanical engineer by training: my middle son (three sons and a daughter) was killed in a car wreck 20 months ago, he was 17, he went to get gas in his mother’s car and never came back. All three of my sons served as acolytes in our church. The death of our son overwhelmed our priests that they could not call on us for 7 months (after the funeral) and two times since. My wife wakes up from a nightmare only to realize that being awake is worse than her nightmares. Our youngest son is now agnostic because its’ easier to explain than the religious effect of his brother’s death. Only my faith in God and the love of my family, has keep me sane, though it has changed dramatically from the foundation up. I’m thankful I have this new life but I’m not sure I really like it or enjoy it without my son being in it.
You are on the right path in attempting this horrid subject, but it’s not the experience I would wish on my worst enemy. May God grant you the strength, courage and compassion to continue on with this endeavor.
November 5, 2013 at 10:31 pm
Tim Pyles
You and your family have my sincere condolences, Robert, in the tragic death of your son. I so appreciate the fact that, even in your pain and loss, you have taken the time to share these detailed insights. I honor and respect them as coming from someone like yourself who has “lived the nightmare” that you describe. Thank you for honing my thinking as I continue to wrestle with these concepts and as I seek to minister more effectively and meaningfully to those in situations of immense grief and loss.
November 10, 2013 at 9:59 am
Robert Albro
Tim,
Here’s a link to the Compassionate Friends face book page https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10151979339714246&set=a.106759859245.90063.90757574245&type=1&theater there are many “things” not to say, as well as many ways to help the berived parents, just by the comments posted to the mimes.
November 16, 2013 at 3:25 pm
Robert Albro
Tim,
I stumbled on this today, and it hit every feeling I’ve had since my son’s accident http://www.calebwilde.com/category/death/death-of-a-child/sids/
November 5, 2013 at 10:41 pm
Melodee Forbes
I had a friendship that ended, because she (my friend) tried to tell me (correct me) on my response towards my mother’s death. It was quite possibly the worst response ever. I don’t remember all of what she said, but it was on the “God is control” vibe. I didn’t agree and we argued. I’ll never forget it and most importantly what I learned from it. When someone has lost someone and regardless of how they respond… just shut up and listen. Don’t try and explain, correct or say how you think they should be reacting even if you see it differently. Great post.
November 5, 2013 at 10:59 pm
Tim Pyles
Thank you so much, Melodee. I think “Just Shut Up and Listen” would have been a great alternative title for my blog post. Thanks for that! I’m sorry that your grief in the loss of your mother was callously compounded by a friend who foolishly thought that it was their job to dictate the course of your grief and then had the audacity to argue with you when you wouldn’t comply. Thanks for helping us see this more clearly.
November 5, 2013 at 11:02 pm
Stephanie
Tim,
Thank you for posting this article. My father lost his battle with esophageal cancer just over a month ago, and I can say that everything in your article is spot-on.
My husband and I are currently part of a church plant, and one of the key components of our church is to minister to the hurting. May I use your article as part of a training packet for counseling people who are going through bereavement? I feel that your insights, combined with the use of Scripture in the correct context, will provide our leadership team with a new way of addressing the grieving process.
Thank you again.
-Stephanie B.,
Western Kentucky
November 5, 2013 at 11:27 pm
Tim Pyles
Stephanie, please accept my sincere sympathy to you and your family in the very recent loss of your father. I would be honored and more than happy for you to use the blog post in whatever way you felt it might be beneficial. God bless you and your leadership team in seeking to minister to the hurting in your community, and may He continue to grant peace, comfort, and strength to your hearts in your own time of grief.
P.S. About 4 years of my youth were spent in Louisville, and 3 years in Richmond (EKU country!) Fond memories of Kentucky!
November 6, 2013 at 6:36 am
Miluska
I have a couple more of what not to say. You have other children or will have others. It was meant to be. Both were directed towards me when I lost my first son. Though I was mad at God, I was also maddest at myself. No one likes to be mad at oneself or even the person who left us, so we rail at God. I still hear the passage that we don’t get more than we can handle and respond that I am tired of being so strong that I wish I was weaker. I now know the actual meaning of the passage and can respond a little less poorly. Thank you.
November 6, 2013 at 7:06 am
Tim Pyles
I’m so sorry, Miluska, that you have experienced the loss of your firstborn son, and saddened also that you had previously been led to believe that our level of suffering was somehow an expression of divine favor in regard to our capacity for handling things. Thanks for reminding us that statements like, “You have other children,” are completely unhelpful and unwelcome when grieving the loss of a child; and that statements like, “It was meant to be,” are just plain wrong. Grace and peace to you!
November 6, 2013 at 11:11 pm
David Learn
I wish you had been in my church 11 years ago.
November 7, 2013 at 7:15 am
Tim Pyles
David, I sense that you experienced a very significant and painful loss 11 years ago. While I don’t know the precise nature of that loss or experience, I sincerely pray that you have been able to find healing and comfort for the wounds of your heart. Thank you for commenting!
November 7, 2013 at 5:15 pm
corinne johnson
i have lost my eldest son on 22nd october, he was 37 years old. ,his funeral is tomorrow, there will be a hole in my heart forever, but what helps me is that we were able to help 3 other men have hope for a fture as he gave his liver and kidneys to 3 other people. this was scary but it his wish and we were able to help him fulfil it. i will miss him and hold him in my heart forever.
November 7, 2013 at 8:10 pm
Susan Nowlin
Corine, my husband and I say our prayers together nightly, and this October we began praying for the generous people who are willing to be donors, and to pray that their families will be comforted, knowing that their loved one gave life even after their own death.
November 7, 2013 at 8:27 pm
Tim Pyles
Thanks for your comment, Susan, and for reaching out to Corinne with such comforting words.
November 7, 2013 at 8:26 pm
Tim Pyles
Corinne, I am so sorry to learn about the loss of your son. I pray that tomorrow you will be surrounded by family and friends whose presence will help you endure this difficult time of grief. What a incredible blessing to the other three men and their families that your son was so compassionate and generous toward others that he chose to be an organ donor. I know that gives you another reason, upon many others I am sure, to be extremely proud of your son!