Yesterday, after a lot of prayer and thought, I determined that I needed to suspend my graduate studies and formally withdraw from the M.Div. program that I began last fall. It was not an easy decision, but it was a necessary one. I had been overly optimistic in thinking that I could get back in the classroom without impacting my ministry and family responsibilities. My ability to juggle the additional work load is apparently not the same at age 49 as it was 25 years ago.
In the past, I ignored the signs and symptoms of being spread too thin, being far too proud at that time to admit that there was anything that I couldn’t do. So, I insisted on pressing on, and paid a dear price as a result. I was beginning to recognize the signs and to sense the familiar symptoms and stresses. Experience has convinced me that I cannot afford to travel down that road again. Graduate study was the variable in my life’s equation that could be altered.
There is a sense of disappointment, but it is a “good” disappointment, knowing that it was for my greater overall good, along with that of my family and ministry. I have accepted the blessing of having had the opportunity to earn B.A. and M.A. degrees in theological studies, and can now be contentedly resigned to the fact that the pursuit of additional academic degrees does not fit within the framework of my life and the limitations of my circumstances. I have the satisfaction of having tried and failed, rather than a perpetual, nagging, unanswerable questioning of “I wonder if I could have.”
I take comfort in knowing that my foray back into the classroom, brief though it was, has rekindled some fires and re-whetted my appetite for ongoing learning, to which I will remain committed throughout the years ahead, though not in a formal graduate program. The level of instruction in Oklahoma Christian University’s Graduate School of Theology is outstanding, and I would highly recommend the program to those who are seeking to further their ministry training and theological studies. I am grateful for the knowledge gained, the new connections made, and the old relationships renewed.
Inspirational messages and anecdotes from great orators and motivators can convince us to defy boundaries, refuse the confines of limitations, and burst through barriers to achieve greatness beyond our imaginations. As you have already surmised, this is not one of those messages. For those people who can and who do, God bless you and strengthen you; I’ll stand with the rest to praise your achievements and victories.
However, my decision to discontinue my graduate studies serves as somewhat of a counterweight and a reality check that sometimes we have to recognize, accept, and live within our own limitations, and to do so with contentment and without regret.
That is a blessing in and of itself!
10 comments
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January 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Frances Hadley
Very well said, Tim. It is certainly no failure to recognize that we cannot be the “be all and end all” for everything. That is wisdom! Thanks for sharing. That’s a lesson we all can use at one time or another. Blessings, Frances
January 29, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Tim Pyles
Thank you, Frances. Continuing to pray for comfort and peace for you and your family!
January 26, 2012 at 9:36 am
Jean
Thank you for sharing I have realized a long time ago we do not have to be smart or highly educated with dozens of degress behind our name to inherit the kingdom of heaven. Instead, failures make us look at ourselves and see that all that matters to God is how we serve Him and love Him and revere Him. This is my prayer for my family as well my Chruch family. God bless you. Jean
January 29, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Tim Pyles
Thanks, Jean! Well said!
January 26, 2012 at 10:00 am
Adam Faughn
Tim,
Your statement about having “tried and failed” is spot on…except that you did not fail! You learned a far more important lesson than something taught in a textbook, and I’m thankful you shared it with us in this post.
Adam
January 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Tim Pyles
Thanks so much, Adam! Great to hear from you! Praying that all is well with you, your family, and your ministry at Lebanon Road!
January 26, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Jeff Jenkins
Tim,
You will always be a “Master” in my book with or without the degree. Thanks for your open honesty and transparency. Your words have encouraged me today, as they have for many, many years. May God continue to bless you and your ministry.
Jeff
January 29, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Tim Pyles
Thank you, dear brother! You remain a tremendous encouragement to me. Give our love to Diane and the kids!
January 26, 2012 at 1:23 pm
paulwrutherford
You are a wise man, Tim. This takes a lot of courage for someone who has a great love of learning as you (and I) do.
Love you, man.
January 29, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Tim Pyles
Great to hear from you, Paul! I pray that all is well with you. Would love to get an update on what you are doing. Greet your Mom and Dad for me!